Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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