Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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