I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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