I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
