i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
COCAINE IS GR8
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