so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
