Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
