My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
