angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
