I just saw a hot homeless man
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
