Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize