I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
