Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
