I'm so fucking centered right now
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
