I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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