All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
