I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
