i permit you to call me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
