Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
