Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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