Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
