I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
