Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
