Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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