Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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