I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He did a backflip because drugs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
