i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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