I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
