yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My vagina just clenched in fear
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
