Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
