everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
