he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
