It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
