We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
