I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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