you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Im part way to drunk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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