They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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