oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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