He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
