if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
