i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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