the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
