Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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