Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
