So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
