How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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