508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hippo gnu deer
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
