just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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