my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
