I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
