I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
