we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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